Marital intimacy apart from covenant commitment is a fleeting illusion. This is why commitment is the cornerstone of biblical oneness. Commitment is the treasury department of marriage, the place where the currency of trust is printed. The formula is rather simple: no commitment, no trust. No trust, no intimacy. It’s that simple. It’s what separates the fleeting flurry of a one night stand from the deep, lasting union of marital intimacy.

We see a beautiful, poetic picture of love’s indestructible commitment in the Bible’s manual for romantic love, the Song of Songs:

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7

These verses capture the heart cry of every woman and they contain the keys to true marital intimacy. She wants to be placed as a seal over her man’s heart and arm. The possession of a person’s seal means you have free access to all they possess. All that they are and all that they have is at your disposal. She wants to seal his heart, the center of his affections. She wants to be pre-eminent in his affections. She also acts as a seal on his arm, the center of his masculine strength. She wants to find security within the strength of his loving care and protection. You see, this type of commitment is intimate.

But his commitment to her is also intense. How intense? Like death and the grave. His commitment to her, like death, is certain. It’s a given. And like death, which touches everyone, this commitment is powerful and unbreakable. Death is a non-negotiable. So is his love for her.

And finally, this commitment is as indestructible as a raging fire. In the Hebrew, the phrase is rendered “A flame of YAH” (a poetic form of YHWH, the LORD). It points to the fact that this love comes from the Lord. It finds its origin in Him. Even as He loves us with an everlasting love, our love for our spouse should mirror God’s fiery, committed love for us. This kind of love holds on for dear life. It’s a love that won’t let go! This is the kind of love that withstands all the trials and challenges that life will bring. Fire and flood won’t break it. It is unstoppable. It is covenant love rooted in the promises of God and the confidence that He has all you need for every need.

You need to put a lock on the back door of your marriage and throw away the key. Be intensely committed to your spouse. Openly declare your commitment to her. Destroy even the thought of a back door escape route when you face challenges in your relationship. If you’ll stay committed, God will provide everything you need to grow in intimacy.

The world is filled with billions of people, each of whom is entirely unique. Yet each has one thing in common. We all long to experience true intimacy.

Intimacy literally means “in-to-me-see.” It involves the sharing of our very life and soul with another. Of course, this need was created in us by God to point us back to Him as the fulfillment of this longing. But God has also given us another relationship, the covenant union between a man and a woman, to allow us to experience intimacy with another person. In fact, the Bible teaches that this was God’s express purpose for creating marriage.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25

You see, we were designed to connect. This is what intimacy is all about. We were created to be emotionally, spiritually and physically “naked” with our spouse. This occurs when a husband and wife are able to be emotionally open with one another, and reveal their true feelings, thoughts, fears and desires. This can only occur when both people are able to genuinely trust one another, and feel able to take the risk of being vulnerable.

You see, marital intimacy is a shared and secure relationship of love. This kind of intimacy cannot happen without commitment. For intimacy to occur, you must place your relationship within the context of a permanent, covenant relationship. Attempts to be truly intimate apart from covenant commitment are doomed for failure. This explains the abject failure of co-habitation as a testing ground for marriage. You can’t pretend to be married. Marriage starts with commitment.

How committed are you to your spouse?

Have you ever used the “D” word against your spouse [divorce]? This word damages the foundation of commitment that is necessary for true intimacy to occur.

Have expressed to your spouse your undying commitment? If not, let your spouse know. Commitment can never be expressed too often.