Posts Tagged ‘romance’

Righteous Romance Tip #3: Jealousy

March 11th, 2011 No comments

Some of you are wondering what jealousy has to do with righteous romance. After all, doesn’t the Bible place jealousy squarely in the category of what is sinful?

For instance Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 12:20:

“For I am afraid that when I come I won’t like what I find, and you won’t like my response. I am afraid that I will find quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorderly behavior.“

And in Galatians 5:19-20, jealousy is listed as one of the works of the flesh:

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies,”

So what’s jealousy have to do with righteous romance? Everything.

We are not talking about carnal jealousy which is rooted in a heart filled with fear, insecurity, hurt or control. We are referring to the godlike quality of jealousy.

Did you know that one of the names of God is “Jealous.”

You must worship no other gods, for the LORD, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you.
Exodus 34:14 (NLT)

Jealousy in and of itself is not good. It is only godly and helpful when it protects the covenant relationship. Jealousy is love’s boundary. Jealousy is like a strong fence that keeps out intruders from encroaching upon the marriage covenant.

Jealousy is meant to defend love, not destroy it.

This is why the Bride cries out to her Beloved,

Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
its jealousy as enduring as the grave.
Song of Songs 8:6-7

Love needs the security of a covenant – “My beloved is mine and I am His; his banner over me is love.” Jealousy is aroused when someone or something takes first place in the heart of the beloved.

Jealousy says, “I should be first.”

Ask your spouse to list, from his/her perspective, what they consider to be your top five priorities or passions. Then take a look at the list. If your spouse is not securely on top in the #1 position, something is wrong.

In a spirit of holy jealousy, work diligently to keep your spouse in an uncontested place of pre-eminence and you’ll have a protected garden where romance can flourish.

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Righteous Romance Tip #2: Honor

March 9th, 2011 No comments

Romance honors the other. Romantic love finds the good and pays attention to it.

This is why we praise and worship the Lord. When we worship, we kiss back. We tell the Lord how awesome he is. We thank him for his love and goodness to us. We magnify His glory and perfections. We exalt his power and greatness.

Perhaps this explains why King David held such a precious place in the heart of God. David was no sissy. To the contrary, he represents the ultimate man’s man. We’re talking about John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, James Bond and Jason Bourne all wrapped up into one real life super hero! In fact, he was forbidden by God to build the temple because of all the blood shed and war which marked his life (I Chronicles 22:8).

David was also a lover. While he was proficient in killing lions, bears and giants, he also knew how to honor the Lord in worship. Take Psalm 34 as an example:

I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

Psalm 34:1-3

The principle is simple and straightforward: We honor by praise.

We do the same with our Beloved. Romance learns to focus on the good.

Honor is expressed in a variety of ways:

Do you praise your spouse before others?

Do you tell your spouse how much you appreciate him/her?

Do you express honor in written notes and cards?

Men, do you open the car door or seat your wife at a restaurant?

If you are in a relationship with someone and all you see is a long list of character deficiencies and “projects” you need to fix, you are in for a rough ride! You will reap what you sow. If you learn to sow honor you’ll see romance flourish.

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Righteous Romance Tip #1: Exclusivity

March 7th, 2011 1 comment

The first principle for redeeming righteous romance is found in the word: Exclusivity.

Every romance has a “beloved.” The beloved is special, beautiful, chosen and altogether different. He or she is absolutely unique and one-of-a-kind.

When I married my lovely wife, it placed her in a category all her own. She no longer fits under the category called “women.”

You see, she is not just a woman. There is no one like her in my eyes. She is in a league and category all her own. She is exclusively mine and I am hers.

In the Solomon’s Song of Songs, we see this principle captured in poetic language:

“My beloved is mine and I am his.” (2:16)

Christian romance is not “open” – it is exclusive. There is no room for additional lovers. Romance allows the beloved to possess you. Exclusivity allows you to focus on cherishing, adoring and enjoying your covenant partner.

Let me ask you a few questions.

Does your spouse enjoy your exclusive affection?

Do they feel like they are in a category all their own?

Does your spouse feel #1 in your list of passions and priorities?

Have you shared with others what belongs exclusively to your spouse?

This week, begin to re-establish the uniqueness of your spouse by implementing the principle of exclusivity.

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